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No more counseling
My apologies, but I am no longer able to offer critiquing of letters.
In the last few years I have been fighting numerous medical issues, including a stroke, cancer, and the negative effects of subsequent treatments. If my body heals, I am hoping to be able to once again offer letter critiquing and phone counseling some day.
Although I am unable to counsel at present, I encourage you to follow these steps to help restore your marriage:
1. How to start: Read the current version of the article Reconciling With Your Hardened Wife.
2.
Sessions to listen to: Listen to these three free online audio sessions:
> The Secret to an Amazing Marriage
3. Articles to read: Read and follow the Guidelines for Writing a Letter of Reconciliation. It would also be a good idea to read Identifying Your Mistakes and The Timing of Giving a Letter. (I encourage you to read every additional article you can.)
4. How to write the letter: If you plan to write your wife a letter of empathy, I need a copy of it as a source for counseling. It is critical that you write it using the template and the words provided in the Guidelines. Please construct your letter as close to the template as possible, swapping out only the words that are not in your vocabulary. Keep in mind that the more you change the words and sentences, the weaker the impact may become.
5. Worksheet: The worksheet is critical for several reasons. First, it is a valuable means of identifying the vulnerability of your wife's heart. Listening to every session and reading every article is good, but most men find that the worksheet is what opens their eyes to the specific ways they wound their wife. Secondly, the worksheet reveals a man's blind spots. When I was doing counseling I would typically spend an hour or more scrutinizing and marking up a worksheet, and then compare it to the letter. Often I found that a man has omitted from his letter, issues that his wife would need to hear addressed in the letter. I encourage you to do the worksheet before writing your letter.
6. More help: Please consider downloading or purchasing the CD set Becoming the Ultimate Husband, which is designed to help every man learn to become the ultimate husband. Remember, after your wife reads your letter, she will be watching you to see if your life matches your words.
7. Help with anger: If anger has been one of your problems, please order the CD set or download Defusing Self Absorption and the Heart of Anger.
As you complete your letter, please remember that the letter will be powerful, but it is not magic. My experience is that upon reading a letter based on the template, 90% of wives cry, say "Thank you" and "I never thought you'd understand." On rare occasions I hear of women who run and jump into their husband's arms, but most just cautiously open the door in their heart that they had bolted shut. They will begin to watch you to see if your life matches the words of your letter. A properly written letter is invaluable, but restoration is really about a man seeing his wife through eyes of compassion and empathy, and changing those things that lost her trust in the first place.
Here's the email for all communication: help @ ultimatehusband.com
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